I Was Dead, But Now I’m Alive

In May 2024, Genesis was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), or clinical depression. Looking back, he recognizes several factors that contributed to his condition. One was severe obstructive sleep apnea. Although he was sleeping, he was not getting the quality of rest his body and brain needed. At the same time, he was over-functioning—working, exercising, studying, and doing ministry without enough margin to rest and recover.

Then came one unexpected storm after another: concerns about Michelle’s health, his own heart condition, major home repairs, having to move, a significant financial loss, a hacked Facebook account, his sleep apnea diagnosis, and the move of his younger brother—the only remaining member of his immediate family in Manila—to Bacolod.

But the storms outside were only part of the story. Inside, Genesis began questioning his calling as a pastor. He compared himself with other leaders. His desire to prepare excellent sermons sometimes became perfectionism. He struggled with people-pleasing and the fear of disappointing others.

“I was physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and spiritually dry.”

Genesis called it “soul fatigue.”

Depression changed even the simplest things. Genesis experienced brain fog and could not concentrate enough to write a sermon. Simple decisions—even replying to a text message—felt overwhelming. Joy disappeared. He isolated himself from people and avoided eye contact.

His world became very small: the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and sofa. He did not want to go out, attend gatherings, or even go to church. He stopped praying and reading his Bible. When he went to church, he would leave his church ID off because he did not want people to identify him as a pastor.

Along with the depression came guilt, shame, anxiety, and emotional numbness. At his lowest point, Genesis felt helpless and hopeless. In October 2024, he reached a point where he wanted to end his life and made an attempt. He says God’s mercy and grace saved him.

“Lord, Help Me. Lord, Save Me.”

During those darkest moments, Genesis could barely pray. But twice, he cried out to God.

There was no dramatic answer immediately. Genesis describes those prayers as a faint flicker of light—like a matchstick that briefly lights up before the flame disappears. But he believes God heard those desperate prayers.

Healing as a Process

Genesis says his healing involved many people and many forms of support. His church elders and senior pastor gave him permission to rest and recover. Instead of rejection, he encountered grace.

In August 2025, his senior pastor told him, “Gen, let’s start again from zero.” He was encouraged to stop focusing on ministry and concentrate on his health and recovery.

The church helped establish a support system that included a psychiatrist, a counselor, and an accountability partner. In April 2026, Genesis was given a gradual plan to return to ministry—beginning at 40 percent, then 60 percent, 80 percent, and eventually 100 percent by January 2027.

His fellow pastors prayed for him and encouraged him. Family and friends visited. People provided practical, financial, and emotional support.

And through it all was Michelle.

Through Michelle’s love and faithfulness, Genesis says he experienced something of God’s steadfast love and faithfulness.

Then Came the Moment

Genesis says his healing was both a process and a moment. That moment came on May 6, 2026, when he attended his first pastoral meeting again after nearly two years away.

People welcomed him: “Welcome back, Pastor Gen!” He smiled, but inside, he was still wondering whether he would ever truly recover.

That evening, while taking a shower, Genesis remembered a thought he had encountered two days earlier: “Jesus didn’t have a retirement plan.” He realized that he did not need to live consumed by anxiety about what lay ahead. Something inside him awakened.

He describes it as though someone suddenly switched on the lights. The heaviness lifted. Clarity returned. He felt alive again.

That night, he and Michelle talked for two hours—the kind of conversation they had not had in almost two years. When Genesis finished sharing, Michelle looked at him, hugged him, and said:

The Journal Opens Again

That night, Genesis could not sleep. His mind was active again. He found his old Bible and journal.

The next morning, May 7, something was different. For almost two years, anxiety had greeted him when he woke up. But that morning, there was peace.

He opened his Bible. It opened to Romans 1. There, Genesis was reminded that he was God’s servant—but before he was God’s servant, he was God’s beloved child.

His worth did not come from the number of sermons he preached, how productive he was, how useful he felt, or whether people were impressed by him. His identity was rooted in Christ.

That became a new perspective on ministry. Ministry was not about proving himself or impressing people. It was about imparting God’s Word and God’s grace to others.

Genesis then opened his old journal. His last meaningful entry had been written in May 2024. Then came two years of silence. Until May 7, 2026.

“I was dead… but now I’m alive.”

A School of Suffering—and a School of Grace

Genesis now sees those two years differently. For a long time, he thought he had lost two years of his life. Today, he believes God did not waste them. They became his school of suffering—but also his school of grace.

His testimony is not simply about coming out of depression. It is about discovering grace through his wife, family, friends, church leaders, pastors, counselors, doctors, and people who prayed and supported him.

It is also about learning that asking for help is not a failure of faith. God worked through people and through the professional help that became part of his recovery.

Darkness, Grace, Resurrection

Darkness   →   Grace   →   Resurrection

Genesis describes his journey in these three words. The passage that now captures his story is Psalm 103.

Genesis knows that pit. He knows the darkness. But he also knows that he was not left there.

Today, he says his heart overflows with greater peace. He has a deeper love for his wife and family, a greater passion for God, and a renewed desire to serve people—not to impress, but to impart.

Genesis 2.0

Coming out of depression was not simply about returning to the person he was before.

He came out of that season with a renewed passion for life, a greater dependence on God’s grace, a deeper appreciation for what truly matters, and a stronger conviction of his calling.

The darkness was real. But God’s grace was greater.

Almost two years earlier, Genesis had prayed, “Lord, resurrect me like Lazarus.” At first, all he could see was a flicker. Looking back, he now believes God heard that prayer—not immediately, and not in the way he expected, but in God’s time—through His Word, through His people, through professional help, through his wife, and through His amazing grace.

His story is a reminder that sometimes resurrection does not look like suddenly having everything figured out. Sometimes it looks like taking the next step. Resting. Receiving help. Allowing people to walk beside us. Finding grace in the darkness.

And slowly, sometimes imperceptibly, discovering that the light is still there.

The darkness was real.
The grace was greater.
And the story is still unfolding.